that's alright because i love the way you lie.

Maybe if we weren't so good at lying to ourselves it'd be easier to tell the truth to each other. I think we have such a hard time sharing the truth with each other because we have an outline in our heads about how it all "should" go we lose sight of how it "could" be. I've been gutted as has he and neither of us really saw this coming when we first started seeing each other and now its all kinds of cluster fucked because we don't know how to be in a functional relationship. But as we learn together it stands to reason we can make our own rules right? Afterall, what happens between us is decided by us, not a jury of our peers. We both have our own sets of emotional baggage but the important thing is we're both thinking to ourselves of how we'll fit it all in our closet together. At least until his issues with vulnerability and emotion take him 5 steps back. So I wait patiently and guide him back forward, and meet him halfway so he isn't "spooked" I say but its because I'm as afraid as he is to get my heartbroken after investing everything I have into it. I guess the only difference between us is I'm not a coward-- as long as he's willing to come with me I'll fucking march on. He's the complete list of my LOML potential and while I'm willing to fight for it, I know I'm worth fighting for too.

he left a mark.

I don't know why but when ginger hurts me it h u r t s. It hurts so much more than it ever did with any of my past failures. I suppose its my love of the potential that trips me up. But dammit this cuts and the disappointment feels as though it'll crush me sometimes-- othertimes I feel like its trying to shove my stomach through my spine. One day he's super boyfriend the next we're two ships passing in the sea. Our relationship may be stagnating but instead of talking about it we're carrying on? know that if there are no papers, there are no promises-- so why am I crying?