Oh, hello, lover…

I've been out of the loop since, like, January?

I guess this is what happens when your heart is broken and you shut yourself off from all social arenas, including romantic and sexual. But you know, I'm feeling a little transparent and reflective (is that possible?) right now. So why don't I just dive right in and tell you all about what's been un-happening in my Life?


As far as romance goes, there is none. Eventually, I'll have to stop giving Atu more credit than he deserves. He didn't necessarily break my heart. He hurt me, yes. And our relationship and certain events that transpired involving him caused me a great deal of pain and emotional turmoil. But I think I broke my own heart. He was an ass. But I wasn't exactly innocent either. It's getting easier to make my peace and come to terms with that clusterfuck of sexuality and emotional insanity, but it's still an uphill battle.

I would love to have crazy hot sex everyday and be in a steady relationship right now. I know that's not really what I need or what I want, though. (The sacrifices I make to be someone I can stand, right?) I think I'm seeking companionship, trust, and maybe some passion. When I was involved with him, I was seeking a lot of other stuff, too. I can't say those issues are resolved. But they're just not so urgent anymore.

It's a bitch when you realize (a) you're not like everyone else and (b) the things you seek will not come to you easily.


This thought has died now. Just be happy I'm back, bitches.

We've now entered the Outer Limits.

Soooo let's summarize what's happened since my last post [forgive me for
the delay in _DEFAULT. and such]: I'm now in a (mostly) committed
relationshit, made it through Lent, fucked the Ginger, had some of the
most fun at beer pong nights.

Hate to be a horrid tease but I've got to get ready for a date =] more
later, promises! メメメ

I guess its fight or flight..

So I like him. He's strong--emotionally.
He's very sincere, and doesn't bullshit with me..
I'm not guarded with him, not on the defensive..
and if I get mouthy he can take it ;)
I like it.

But already he's got this tendency to hold me to standards
I've never implied I can live up to. He calls me his Lady.
He gets angry when I don't respond to him the way he'd
like, and he gets jealous..Really jealous..
And then we fight.

And this is as a friend.
We've got no papers, We've made no promises.

So, ordinarily..I would assume his actions are
telling of a situation I want/need no part of
because I've been there done that and don't think
any penis is large enough to excuse ignorant behavior..
Ordinarily, I'd NEXT him.

But I like him.
This is going to sound dumb but a Porno I was watching (lmao)
had these 4 couples going to sex therapy or something and one
of the couples problem is that they argue like crazy..
Over dumb shit too, they'd argue like crazy and have crazy make-up sex.

The sex doctor says that they don't have an anger issue
or anything serious to worry about.. "Its passion"

But see, I don't know about that..I know that at the root of
every fight is someone's hurt feelings or bruised ego. And
it wouldn't be a problem if we didn't care... BUT
I've seen "passion" turn to rage turn to possessiveness and
even violence..and I'm really not the bitch to deal with that.

Anyway, somehow that couple found a resolution from
something the love doc said..but I don't remember bc I
was thinking ''enough storyline just get to the sex''
Ugh, guess I'll have to watch it again...