..would it be evil of me to pursue a relationshit i know is doomed from the start? well its not doomed..thats dramatic. i just know that i don't want anything serious from this guy who wants to.."get serious" with me
[Reese, similar situation WITCH!]
why is it once you finally take a seat on the bench to cool off from all
the stupid love games you've been playing...
just trying to sit this one out..
or maybe just have fun, play the field..
here comes prince wannabe charming!
and why is he always so hell-bent on titles and getting all official and territorial and whatnot.. why can't he just be a good toyfriend and let things ride. and WHY the eff wasn't iiiiii so comfortable just being FWB with MY ex..so i wouldn't be in this situation..!? why did i want the title and the papers and the promises from HIM and why don't i want them from you??
the thing is..if i'm honest with myself, which i'm not, i would say that you ARE a nice guy and you would probably treat me really well and you probably have a big penis and you'd always answer your phone-- even though i wouldn't call, just the principle..
but if i was even more honest with myself i would also say we are from two different worlds and your kind of intense in a way that scares me and you already expect a lot of me and i know you're being real open right now..but there's a good chance i'm still hung up on someone else--
so im not really interested in your sweet-nothings.. and thats why i feel its best i keep it strictly business (puff, pass) when we chill and why i break at the 1st sign of emotion..because, all i can see are D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R red flags and my potential to leave you dumbstruck and shit out of luck..2weeks? 6months? however long down the line when you start expecting more of my heart, and all i'll know is that i'm only gonna break yours..
Monday, February 15, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Well excuse the f*ck outaa me.
I was just informed that its entirely my fault for not feeling The Spark
with Cowboy-- its because I'm "too picky". I'm the one who's gotta be in
this relationshit with him, so pardon me for thinkingthat meant I
decided when or if anything was happening and on my terms. I'd rather be
intimidating and too picky than otherwise because then I'm weeding out
the weak, the losers and the immature. I'll save myself more trouble
than a little singleness will do.
with Cowboy-- its because I'm "too picky". I'm the one who's gotta be in
this relationshit with him, so pardon me for thinkingthat meant I
decided when or if anything was happening and on my terms. I'd rather be
intimidating and too picky than otherwise because then I'm weeding out
the weak, the losers and the immature. I'll save myself more trouble
than a little singleness will do.
And I know for a fact I deserve the kind of relationshit I want with the
kind of guy I want. Because I'm worth it. I'm gorgeous, I'm funny, I'm
smart-- a mother fucking catch if you fucking will. So
getthefugouttahere with this too picky horseshit.
Could it be fabricated?
Miz Berry brought up a valid point some people believe: that The Spark is really just a figment of your imagination. I don't know for certain, all I know is what applies to me-- which at the end of the day is all we really know, what applies to ourselves [[so take all advice with a grain of salt and a splash of tequila]]. The Spark to me is a subconscious, biological signal that this guy and I are compatible. If The Spark is really just a fabrication we go through to fool ourselves, then what does purpose does it serve?
Could the lack of The Spark just mean I'm insecure about going forward with Cowboy and really am just used to "the chase"? So now that someone is upfront about wanting me and a relationshit with me, I don't know what to do so my default setting is to run? I don't think that's the case because I'm willing to give him and this a shot [[provided he tunes down the romance, or I'll vomit in my shoes]] for The Spark to materialize.
I'm certainly not using The Spark as a deal breaker, but if I don't get a rush then what's the point in being in a relationshit? We could just as easily be friends with benefits, so we can both keep an eye out for The Spark. The She-wolf in me doesn't want to be tied down unless there's The Spark or at least a rush, because then it means that it's fun, adventerous and exciting. If it's complacent and dull, then who the hell wants to stay?!
I don't wanna give him mixed signals or use him, but I'm certainly going to tell him that I think we should just be FWB if I think so. If he cares as much as he's spouting he does, then he should be fine with it. I've got the pussy so I make the rules, let's not forget it. PLus I think down the road he'll thank me for it. Or just be really crushed because I'm the woman of his dreams and he's over here thinking we're gonna get married and live happily ever after and I break his heart because I decide he's good enough to sleep with but not to commit to.............Fuck. I really hope its the previous, because I do not want to be known as "The One That Got Away" because I know for damn sure we're not soulmates and I don't need that bad juju.
Could the lack of The Spark just mean I'm insecure about going forward with Cowboy and really am just used to "the chase"? So now that someone is upfront about wanting me and a relationshit with me, I don't know what to do so my default setting is to run? I don't think that's the case because I'm willing to give him and this a shot [[provided he tunes down the romance, or I'll vomit in my shoes]] for The Spark to materialize.
I'm certainly not using The Spark as a deal breaker, but if I don't get a rush then what's the point in being in a relationshit? We could just as easily be friends with benefits, so we can both keep an eye out for The Spark. The She-wolf in me doesn't want to be tied down unless there's The Spark or at least a rush, because then it means that it's fun, adventerous and exciting. If it's complacent and dull, then who the hell wants to stay?!
I don't wanna give him mixed signals or use him, but I'm certainly going to tell him that I think we should just be FWB if I think so. If he cares as much as he's spouting he does, then he should be fine with it. I've got the pussy so I make the rules, let's not forget it. PLus I think down the road he'll thank me for it. Or just be really crushed because I'm the woman of his dreams and he's over here thinking we're gonna get married and live happily ever after and I break his heart because I decide he's good enough to sleep with but not to commit to.............Fuck. I really hope its the previous, because I do not want to be known as "The One That Got Away" because I know for damn sure we're not soulmates and I don't need that bad juju.
How to be a Bad Girl..
(according to Natalie (BGC))
1] Pick a WINNER
2] Give him the Rules
(ex. "When Natalie calls, you answer. If you want me to be good, you have to be good..")
3] If he wants to tie you down, He can wife you up
4] Don't cry over ANY man
5] DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO, regardless
6] Never tell on yourself..And don't get CAUGHT
Ugh, my problems with this.. Number 1, its difficult to find a Winner amidst a sea full of losers. I'm clearly not in the right environment for her SugarDaddy pool of contenders.. (don't even know if i'd want one) but I surely don't want a BOY-- jobless, carless, goal-less, his-own-private-location-to-fck-me-so-I-don't-have-to-be-quiet-less.. Its just not gonna work.
I like the idea of rules upfront. Especially because guys tend to approach every girl as if he wants a Relationshit..even if he just wants to hit. If we start Rule #1 as follows, This is Strictly Physical.. I see a host of avoidable issues erased. I'm not going to worry about who your spending time with (unless you're fucking). I could care less about a Holiday gift or a Valentine's chocolate (gagg) and the only thing i'm expecting is that you stay On-Call for the Booty Call..
Numbers 3, 5, and 6 go hand in hand I think. A bad girl doesn't have some boy with a 100% hold on her dictating what she does with her time. She won't call and check-in if he's emotionally checked out. Don't reward bad behavior with pu$$y...No matter HOW BAD you want it. Because odds are, if he's not with you putting it down..and you've got doubts..he's probably elsewhere and you need to make YOU priority 1 and just...don't get caught ;) (But really, I probably wouldn't cheat I'd just NEXT him and do my thing)
Mostly, a "Bad Girl" is just a smart female who approaches the opposite sex on an even playing field. We think like they do. We play like they do. And we cut it off just as easily, too.
1] Pick a WINNER
2] Give him the Rules
(ex. "When Natalie calls, you answer. If you want me to be good, you have to be good..")
3] If he wants to tie you down, He can wife you up
4] Don't cry over ANY man
5] DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO, regardless
6] Never tell on yourself..And don't get CAUGHT
Ugh, my problems with this.. Number 1, its difficult to find a Winner amidst a sea full of losers. I'm clearly not in the right environment for her SugarDaddy pool of contenders.. (don't even know if i'd want one) but I surely don't want a BOY-- jobless, carless, goal-less, his-own-private-location-to-fck-me-so-I-don't-have-to-be-quiet-less.. Its just not gonna work.
I like the idea of rules upfront. Especially because guys tend to approach every girl as if he wants a Relationshit..even if he just wants to hit. If we start Rule #1 as follows, This is Strictly Physical.. I see a host of avoidable issues erased. I'm not going to worry about who your spending time with (unless you're fucking). I could care less about a Holiday gift or a Valentine's chocolate (gagg) and the only thing i'm expecting is that you stay On-Call for the Booty Call..
Numbers 3, 5, and 6 go hand in hand I think. A bad girl doesn't have some boy with a 100% hold on her dictating what she does with her time. She won't call and check-in if he's emotionally checked out. Don't reward bad behavior with pu$$y...No matter HOW BAD you want it. Because odds are, if he's not with you putting it down..and you've got doubts..he's probably elsewhere and you need to make YOU priority 1 and just...don't get caught ;) (But really, I probably wouldn't cheat I'd just NEXT him and do my thing)
Mostly, a "Bad Girl" is just a smart female who approaches the opposite sex on an even playing field. We think like they do. We play like they do. And we cut it off just as easily, too.
The Spark.
I've met a guy we'll call Cowboy [[for that whole background mess checkk this AC post]] and it was all fun and games. And I was thinking "Thank you 2010 for sending a decent guy my way!" Until I realized we're not on the same page. He seems hellbent on getting me into a relationshit with his "I'm gonna be your knight in shining armor" and "You're mine" shit. I've calmly and very plainly explained I'm not one for relationshits, and all I got was a "I'll change your mind. I'm not like those other guys". A for effort, but let's be reasonable; he's not even listening to my side of things.
To his credit, he's a fantastic kisser, pretty good in the sack [[or car, AC post]], and he does and says all the things I've always said I wanted in a relationshit. I just don't want the relationshit I guess. He can say the sweetest thing and the dirtiest thing in the same sentence and it's completely natural. I like it, but the problem is I like the dirty tidbit waiting in the wings more than i do the heartfelt crap parading on stage. For example, "baby, you're so gorgeous today, it makes me want to bend you over this table and fuck you stupid. i don't care that there's people they can watch." Can you guess where my interest peaks?
My suspicion is that since The Spark is missing, all this potential isn't being used. I should be getting goosebumps when he kisses me softly and whispers something in my ear. I should feel giddy when I get a text from him. My heart should be skipping a fucking beat when he does the things I've wanted a boyfrenn to do! SOMETHING SHOULD BE HAPPENING! But no. I feel the same way about him saying he's gonna bring me flowers as I do about him telling me his dog died. I'm apathetic. and when he texted me this morning saying he didn't want things to just be sex between us, I froze.
WHAT GIRL DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHE MEANS MORE THAN SEX TO A HOT GUY SHE'S INTERESTED IN?! apparently, I'm the only one. I'm not sure if The Spark is gonna be fashionably late, or not appear at all, but I'm worried if I stick around to see, he's gonna be trying to trick the l-word out of me-- that will not work for me. I don't want to string him along, I really don't, but if I'm gonna give him an honest chance knowing I'm already thinking of cutting him loose, how well is this gonna go? I can already feel my inner She-wolf grimacing at the idea of him saying that four letter word, and she's planning on getting us into trouble at the lingerie party this weekend to get us out of it. "No papers, No promises", she's saying. But do I want to run from every decent guy that comes my way, or is he just not it?
To his credit, he's a fantastic kisser, pretty good in the sack [[or car, AC post]], and he does and says all the things I've always said I wanted in a relationshit. I just don't want the relationshit I guess. He can say the sweetest thing and the dirtiest thing in the same sentence and it's completely natural. I like it, but the problem is I like the dirty tidbit waiting in the wings more than i do the heartfelt crap parading on stage. For example, "baby, you're so gorgeous today, it makes me want to bend you over this table and fuck you stupid. i don't care that there's people they can watch." Can you guess where my interest peaks?
My suspicion is that since The Spark is missing, all this potential isn't being used. I should be getting goosebumps when he kisses me softly and whispers something in my ear. I should feel giddy when I get a text from him. My heart should be skipping a fucking beat when he does the things I've wanted a boyfrenn to do! SOMETHING SHOULD BE HAPPENING! But no. I feel the same way about him saying he's gonna bring me flowers as I do about him telling me his dog died. I'm apathetic. and when he texted me this morning saying he didn't want things to just be sex between us, I froze.
WHAT GIRL DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHE MEANS MORE THAN SEX TO A HOT GUY SHE'S INTERESTED IN?! apparently, I'm the only one. I'm not sure if The Spark is gonna be fashionably late, or not appear at all, but I'm worried if I stick around to see, he's gonna be trying to trick the l-word out of me-- that will not work for me. I don't want to string him along, I really don't, but if I'm gonna give him an honest chance knowing I'm already thinking of cutting him loose, how well is this gonna go? I can already feel my inner She-wolf grimacing at the idea of him saying that four letter word, and she's planning on getting us into trouble at the lingerie party this weekend to get us out of it. "No papers, No promises", she's saying. But do I want to run from every decent guy that comes my way, or is he just not it?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I'm ready for you, 2010
Welcome to 2010! So...this is what I've been waiting for. The New Year when things are supposed to be different in our relationshit. I've given my ultimatum. Too much more of the same and I'm gone. So far, I'd rate the change as 4 on a scale of 1 to 10. Is he calling my bluff? Was I bluffing? I want to have meant it..that I could easily wash my hands of this when I'd had enough. But more than that, I want him to have meant everything he said. "Time doesn't stop, Ma. It can only get better." I guess it wouldn't hurt to give him a little more time..ugh. I mean I've stuck it out this long. (and at least this time I've been putting my LBB to use and keeping my mind occupied)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
It's an acquired taste.
Somehow I always find myself falling for the potential. That's my downfall, I look too much at the big picture, I lose the important details on teh way. 2010 is gonna be different. I'm going to follow my resolution: "only say what you can do". I'm gonna take it all as it comes and deal with it then.
Romance? ehh, not high on my list of priorities like sex is, but I guess I'll deal with it if it comes up-- highly unlikely though, thank goodness. Though I cannot deny The Spark; if it shows up, all I can do is follow it. With sex and sexual relations, I'll have to play it by ear, but of course since I've got the pussy, I'll be making the rules on that.
Dieting? uhhh no. let's be reasonable, what's the root of diet? DIE. I am gonna go hard on my dance and theatre shit though-- that's my hustle and what's gonna become my legacy. I can't be slacking on that!
bring it on 2010-- you're gonna be my bitch. mark these words.
Romance? ehh, not high on my list of priorities like sex is, but I guess I'll deal with it if it comes up-- highly unlikely though, thank goodness. Though I cannot deny The Spark; if it shows up, all I can do is follow it. With sex and sexual relations, I'll have to play it by ear, but of course since I've got the pussy, I'll be making the rules on that.
Dieting? uhhh no. let's be reasonable, what's the root of diet? DIE. I am gonna go hard on my dance and theatre shit though-- that's my hustle and what's gonna become my legacy. I can't be slacking on that!
bring it on 2010-- you're gonna be my bitch. mark these words.
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