How much of life is spent W A I T I N G

More specifically, exactly how much of my life will I spend waiting on men. Men, boys, guys, dudes, players, sweet-talkers, users, abusers, bullshitters, cheaters, etc... See how the list kind of goes downhill as it expands. Why is that? And why is it that the longer you wait on your "guy" of the moment.. he begins to take shape as one of the latter man-labels.

We wait in line at stores, movies, amusement parks, schools, banks, EVERYWHERE!! I shouldn't have to wait in line for each and every guy who pursues me and then decides he wants to change things up (or worse, wander off). At first, its fun and exhilerating waiting for that first phone call.. Now we have to wait for that first text, and as if thats not enough we find ourselves going mad BETWEEN texts because somehow his *instant-response-mechanism* has some sort of glitch and it now takes a minimum 30mins maximum WEEK at a time to respond...

Meanwhile, we have our men-in-waiting. The guys that are actively pursuing us but just dont get us going quite like that guy that has us waiting in line.. Sure I could go and explore that option and see where it leads me but HEAVEN FORBID I lose my spot in line for Mr.Wonderful! I mean, what if I get so bored from all the waiting and lonesome from all the wanting and agree to go out with Mr. Man-in-waiting and Mr.Wonderful calls!! Finally ready to acknowledge me as the lady in the FRONT of the line.. and i'm off covorting with his stand-in. No, I can't have that..

So... I'll continue to wait for the calls.. wait for the texts.. wait for the not-so-instant Instant Messages.. wait for him to not be so busy with work, school, and home.. wait for him to chill with his boys.. wait for him to get his heart broken.. wait for him to be "ready to commit".. wait for him to grow up..

With every moment they keep us waiting they're breaking us down. It starts to eat away at our self-esteem and we begin to feel like we should be waiting. Next-in-line becomes less far-fetched and we stop believing we deserve more. In the beginning we're RED HOT and in disbelief he could be so disconnected. We wash our hands of them time and time again. But then the waiting takes its toll and our minds start to make excuses for them (maybe he's busy.. maybe he's going through a tough time.. maybe..) and just when we've convinced ourselves he's NOT a neglectful tool-- HE REAPPEARS! Out from the darkness.

And now we've got his full attention. And now we're in the front of the line. And now we feel vindicated for wasting so much of ourselves in the waiting. And now we've got our man of the moment. We welcome him back with open arms. Nevermind the wait, i'm so glad you've called! We're eager and emotional and receptive. He's back in where he left off there's no waiting period for him (doghouse? WHATS THAT!) Oh but its just as short lived as the last go round. Spectacular and fleeting. We are both satisfied and unfulfilled. Because all we can think of is the next time we will be together like this, and he's already got us back on the wait-list..

And before I know it, here I am again...
"Waiting, and fading, and floating away" from where I want to be
...with you