Oh the irony...

...it never fails to just uppercut you in the mouth. I resign myself to ending the year with my body untouched, and single-- and then Ace waltzed in. Now I met Ace a year ago, roughly, and we hung out once and he left for school and that was literally the last I'd heard from him.

Well, he was in town and we hung out a few times, went to a club or two, made out and smoked out. We finally seal the deal and have sex at the end of the week, and it was GOOD [[of course more on that at A.C.]]. Then afterwards we hung out in bed and joked around, snuggled, fooled around, and had a quickie. But what struck me most was the fact that it was so intimate and tender after, he would look at me like he was seeing the sun for the first time, and he'd stroke my face and just smile at me. And at one point he sat up, looked at me, laughed a little to himself and kissed me on the forehead.

That blew my mind. Here I am riding off the crest of douchers I've encountered and here's a sweet guy who has a fantastic personality and he does this? Of course I did what made sense to do. Forget about it and not think about it until he's gone back to school and I'm alone. Now that I'm thinking about it, I kinda wanna strangle myself because now, like a lifetime movie, I've got a few options:
1] I chase him and it.
2] I forget about it.
3] Forget about it until I see him again and see how it goes from there.

I'm favoring option 2. Even though he is the closest to LOML material I've ever come.

Guidelines for Healing a Broken Heart

1. Don't text him.

2. Don't text him.

3. Don't text him (or call, e-mail, Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter). EVER.

4. Engulf yourself in music. Whatever music, whatever songs or artists or messages it takes.

5. Write about it. Put it on your blog, confess it in your journal, write a letter (don't send it), text your friends. Get it out.

6. Think about your pain on purpose. Accept the thoughts and emotions; they're going to come whether or not you welcome them. Have your moments... then press on.

7. Don't think about his new bitch.

8. Devise battle plans; you will need them eventually.

9. Embrace the magic and divinity of Time.

10. Cultivate yourself and Life and holism and God.

11. Convert to the religion of verbs: doing, doing, trying, infinitely doing and being and living.

12. Cry. Yell. Be pathetic. Don't let anyone shame you for it.

13. Rely on your friends. And again, be shameless about it. They're supposed to help dig you out of your hole.

14. Have a rebound with words, language, imagery, and imagination/creativity.

15. Learn from it. Suck out every little lesson you can.

16. Forgive.

BONUS CHALLENGE: Separate yourself in love, grace, and goodness; do not consecrate yourself to bitterness, hate, or hostility.

Love Thyself

At approximately midnight today, I get a text from The Nigerian:

He's seeing someone else.


I lied. I am in love with him. I'm mad as hell, hurt as hell. And I'm through. This is what permanence tastes like: bitterness.