you think you're confused?

I'm still not sure how it happened. How the urge to make this other person happy became my rhyme and reason for doing things. I changed my habits so quickly I didn't notice until I caught myself yesterday. A girl at work asked why I couldn't eat fast food and I responded "because Ginger said--" and stopped myself there. I love occasional fast food, but I "wasn't allowed" because Ginger said no? Hell no. So I found myself smoking a cigarette--something he h a t e s-- to balance it in my mind. A bit crazy? Yes.
Sure, I could blame it on Disney ingraining it into me that to be happy and keep a relationship stable, defer to the guy and just be pretty, but that'd be a load of bull. I think its just because making him happy makes me happy, but I'm having trouble finding a balance of where he ends and I begin. Its not like I don't tell him the things I want or completely ignore what I want, but I tend to find a way to coincide our wants. He wants me to work out with him and eat healthier, so I rationalize that I've been wanting to lose weight so adhering to his Nazi plan is okay. I will acknowledgge my part in this imbalance, after a lifetime of insecurity I tend to want to make others happy because they'll love me because I make them happy. Hey, its a tried and tested method alright? But in actuality, its a bad habit because I underscore myself to place the other person slightly above me.
And now I'm in a relationship--a real, legit, give-and-take, grown up, serious relationship-- and I don't know quite how to hold my own in terms of wants. Like I'm not a big wanter besides being happy and occasional random things, and for him besides the working out he hasn't voiced many others. How do I explain this to someone just like me? Someone who hasn't had a prior serious communicative relationship, and has never really cared about the other person in relationshits prior?
The logical thing would be just to talk to him, but that's where it gets tricky. He's a stereotypical male Aries (masculine, headstrong, prone to avoiding emotions) and I'm a female Cancer (we're big on emotions haha nurturers). So even if I could find the perfect words, the approach is the hard part. Sometimes he'll make fun of me for being overly emotional; I think he subconciously does it to train me that emotions will get me made fun of so I won't bring them up. We're two of the most emotionally crippled people I know and we're trying to make it work.
I think that counts in our favor, that we're both making efforts to meet halfway but we're so different that our halfway doesn't match up. I would like for us to match up eventually, but I don't know how to get us there, and he seems to be content as is so he isn't going to make the effort. I'm a little scared that my being so willing to adapt and his inability to will cause an imbalance. Add that to the fact that he's dumped me twice already and you can see why I'm so wary about it. I'm worried he's only with me now because he thinks I'm willing to become what he wants as opposed to what I am.
I feel more than a little pathetic when I think about this as a whole, but if he were to be doing the same for me then we'd just be a working balanced relationship. So either I change and become stagnant like him or I talk to him about it and get him on my page. Well looks like I just talked myself into having a conversation about it with him, now where to start?