It's easier now.

I'm not sure if its because I like him less, or I like him more, but it's easier to not want everything from him all at once. I don't know what I mean, but at the same time, I don't know anything haha. I don't make any sense, but it makes sense to me. Does that make sense?

Haha I stopped making sense two months ago, when this whole debacle started. When I signed up for this really-what-is-this-shit-relationshit, I pretty much agreed to feel this insane flurry of emotions all the time. I don't know what to say anymore, and I'm used to it sadly. I'm used to being totally anchored to a cell phone while we dirrty txt, and I'm used to how completely in sync we can be. The Spark is still prevalent, and really I am surprised at it.

When I'm thinking of him and he texts me, it makes me smile. When I text him and he doesn't text back for hours, I get pissed off. I feel completely ass over tits for him at times, others I wanna wring his fucking neck, and other times I am completely apathetic about him, the rest I wonder about what he's up to. This is frustrating, and completely consuming.

When we're together it's easy as breathing, and complicated as brain surgery. I find myself just soaking up what we could be with a title, and I enjoy just having the freedom to ignore him while I'm in his bed and leave when I feel like it. The sex isn't the only thing I'm after, it never really was, though I tried to trick myself.

I adore him and I love what we are and what we aren't; I'm done wanting what we could be. I'm finished with thinking we've got to have a direction. Long story short, I'm thankful for what we have, it keeps me sane, and I'm gonna take this as it comes, wherever it leads. Let's go, we're going on this road trip without a map, and I'm so down for wherever we end up. Just keep making me laugh, and you're set.