I've been out of the loop since, like, January?
I guess this is what happens when your heart is broken and you shut yourself off from all social arenas, including romantic and sexual. But you know, I'm feeling a little transparent and reflective (is that possible?) right now. So why don't I just dive right in and tell you all about what's been un-happening in my Life?
As far as romance goes, there is none. Eventually, I'll have to stop giving Atu more credit than he deserves. He didn't necessarily break my heart. He hurt me, yes. And our relationship and certain events that transpired involving him caused me a great deal of pain and emotional turmoil. But I think I broke my own heart. He was an ass. But I wasn't exactly innocent either. It's getting easier to make my peace and come to terms with that clusterfuck of sexuality and emotional insanity, but it's still an uphill battle.
I would love to have crazy hot sex everyday and be in a steady relationship right now. I know that's not really what I need or what I want, though. (The sacrifices I make to be someone I can stand, right?) I think I'm seeking companionship, trust, and maybe some passion. When I was involved with him, I was seeking a lot of other stuff, too. I can't say those issues are resolved. But they're just not so urgent anymore.
It's a bitch when you realize (a) you're not like everyone else and (b) the things you seek will not come to you easily.
This thought has died now. Just be happy I'm back, bitches.
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