High Standards

In high school, I used to write down all the qualities I wanted my future boyfriend/husband to have. I'm doing it again… Not because I'm desperate. Not because I believe there is someone out there who can and will fulfill all of these requirements. But because I need to remind myself what I'm waiting for and what I'm worth. And plus, I'm a little bit older and wiser now. Perhaps that means something… =]


- I want a man who can cook and likes to cook. I'm a big girl. I like to eat. I need someone to share this passion with.

- I want a man who respects and cherishes his mother. His first relationship with a woman was the one with his mother. If that is bruised or broken, there's no real chance for me.

- I want a man who has good taste in music. He like the same things as I do. He can like better things than I do. But music is my passion and salvation when all other art/experience fails. 'Nuff said.

- I want a man who is educated and likes to learn/think. You don't need to be Ivy League, nor do you need to be a genius. But you better be intelligent, with an active mind, and know how to put forth dialogue and ideas.

- I want a man who doesn't always agree with me. Challenge my perceptions; try to break my paradigms. Sometimes, I just want you to fight with me. I don't want a "Yes Man"; I want an honest man who stays true to his convictions.

- I want a spiritual man. My religious/spiritual ideologies change weekly. But I always have faith in God, even when it's not positive. I need someone who prays when things are rough and hopes in a bigger Mystery.

- I want a man who is about his business. Be goal-oriented, driven, and handle your shit. No one wants a 30 year old who is still coastin'. Well, maybe some do… but not me.

- I want a man who makes me laugh. I have a mood disorder. I'm also quite sensitive and melodramatic. Shit hits me. I need someone who will pick me up and make me smile when shit hits the fan.

- I want a man who will go to battle with me. Whether you lay down in the trenches with me or are throwing grenades, I need someone who is going to help me fight and press on.

- I want a man who turns me on. Sexuality and desire is tricky. But it's still necessary in a good, healthy relationship. Whether we're fucking, touching, or just cuddling… I want to be attracted to him. I need him to know how to please me — in all ways.

- I want a man who is: patient, respectful, loyal, honest, open, and kind. These are the "Big Qualities" in relationships. I'm a lot to deal with, but I need to know that you will always be there. No matter what. I can promise you I will do the same.

- I want a man who won't cheat. I know I already mentioned loyalty. But niggaz try to get around this one. This means, NO KISSING, TOUCHING, OR FUCKING. Also, emotional betrayal counts, too.

- I want a man who communicates. I get it — men have been groomed by society to not be warm-n-fuzzy. Still, when you're pissed off, tell me. When you're horny, tell me. When you love me, tell me. And if you just want to talk, that's beautiful.

- I want a man who takes risks and loves the "new". I'm trying to do this myself, so it would help if I'm with someone who knows how to go on adventures and says yes to the opportunities and possibilities that Life presents.

- I want a man who is creative. I can't help it — I find artists sexy. What he creates is his business, but I need someone who loves and is as passionate about art and creating as I am.

- I want a man who knows a relationship is in the details. Yes, the sex can be off the hook. Yes, we can talk for hours and I can trust you unconditionally. But I want the small things to count, too. I want someone who will buy my tampons if I'm too crampy to go out and get them myself. I want someone who I can poop and fart around. I want someone who will bring me soup when I'm sick. I want someone I can be silly and comfortable with.

- I want a man who knows the definition of intimacy. It's not about sex or secrets. It's about willingness and vulnerability, in my opinion. I want to share and meld with you. I need a best friend, a real one.

- I want a man who will protect me. Fuck feminism. I want you to defend my honor and threaten to pummel anyone who disrespects or hurts me. I don't find it sexist, I find it romantic.


He's out there. I can feel it…