Sunday, June 27, 2010
our first foray into the land of the l-word.
Ginger calls me and says he wants to cook me dinner because we had a bit of a fight. I go to his place thinking we'll eat something easy in front of the tv and just chill. Wrong. I walk in and there's two places set with candles and steaks and all kinds of goodies. The whole time we're eating and chatting I notice how comfortable we are with each other; swapping bites and laughing. He asks how I like it and I tell him it was great, then he asks if any other boyfriend has cooked for me. That was a big negative and he vowed to do it more often because I cook often. He's sweet as pudding since the break up and its been a learning experience for both of us. We have an amazing evening after dinner, swimming with his friends and drinking and talking. Of course we have sex, AC for that, and canoodle and talk about the future and plans and dreams and jokes. Then one of his friends decides to try and bum rush us thinking it'll result in him being in a threesome.....no. ginger flips out and socks his friend in the face while totally naked, hilarious haha.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
taking leafs left and right.
as mentioned in SATC2, every relationship should make their own rules-- after all no one is in the relationship but the two of you so why should anyone else's opinions or wishes matter? ginger and i have been drafting our own rules and i like the idea that we'd be a steady relationship that could handle that. i also noticed that Miz Chelle has posted a list of requirements, so to speak, and wanted to compare my relationship to the list I myself made nearly a year ago. Let's see how it measures up:
1} Honesty is the ONLY policy with me. Some guys don't like how I openly and at times crudely discuss my life, etc. Other guys don't like the concept of not keeping secrets. Whatever, I don't have time for your crap. I'm all for open communication, you're interested, cool. You're not? cool. Be up front with me and expect it back.
Ginger is increasingly honest with me, and we've communicated more than i have in any other relationship
2} I don't have time for games. I've played games with the best of them, and it gets old fast. I've got too much to do to worry about playing the game a certain way, baiting you and dissecting your moves and motives. If I wanted my love life to be a mystery, I'd date Sherlock Holmes.
with his possessive streak there's never any question about where we stand, and since the reunion he's been even more romantic/sexual
3} I love confidence. I'm very confident, and when a guy is self-confident, it's a compatibility thing and it makes me attracted to him. But once that confidence becomes arrogance it's a complete 180. Very few guys have the balance I need to keep me interested.
oh trust, ginger has got this allure because he's so self confident, but at times he's got a smidgen of insecurity to balance it out and keep it from collapsing into douchery.
4} I have many friends, that's no surprise, and most of them are guys. If jealousy is an issue with you, you can go somewhere else with that. I love my friends, they were here before you, and they'll sure as hell be there after you. So when I'm having girl's night or just hanging with the guys, don't get crazy, or you'll force me to get crazy.
he's actually been really great about it all,even coming to hang out with us most nights and he's very accepting of friendship lines that were in place before him.
5} I'm touchy feely affectionate, but I'm classy so there's a limit. What we do in public is obviously going to be different from what we do behind closed doors. Cross that line and make me feel cheap, you're cut. No defense on your part, nothing.
ginger understands my limits sometimes better than i do and he's very aware of my preferences.
6} If we aren't exclusive, then don't expect me to be monogamous while you date half the free world. I don't mind if you're dating other people, we didn't agree to anything yet, but when we're together its just you and me. And once we do agree to be exclusive, you delete your little black book, it's respectful to me.
very charmingly and cheekily ginger asked if i wanted to be exclusive at the beginning of this adventure and he has a jealous streak-- one that he has admitted would keep him from being ok with a threesome because he doesn't want to share me
7} Respect is so important. If you disrespect any of the things, people or places I love so help me you will regret it. And then you'll be cut. If you're respectful, and you show me the things you love, I'll respect them as well.
he's actually offered to do running crew for the summer musical i'm in and he's gotten into glee and true blood because i liked them and he gave them a shot and now he's as obsessed as i am
8} My family is important to me, sure we don't always get along, but they're my f a m i l y. They mean a lot to me, and if I mean anything to you, you'll realize you need to make good with them.
he and my brother are speed training together and he's the first boyfriend to actually engage my father in conversation. winner there haha
9} I LOVE my friends, they are my extended family. If you've got beef with one of my friends, let me know and I'm not gonna force you guys to hang out, but don't pick fights or try to turn us against each other. A guy who can fit in with my friends, and bring his friends into the mix, is a winner in my book.
he gets on great with all my friends and has introduced me to his best friends. no word yet on bringing them all together, but i'm sure in due time.
10} Be intelligent, well read, and articulate. This sounds like some crazy off the wall request on my part, but really I just want a guy I can talk to about more than just clothes, school, and tv. If you can woo my mind, you're a shoo-in. I have a short attention span, so when a guy engages me like this, it's a turn on. Also, some guys are intimidated by a smart girl, they need not apply, because I love being intellectual.
he hasn't read tolstoy or poe, but he's crazy smart about chemistry and other linear things. i'm trying to get him into the abstract but he's a nonfiction kinda guy. we have debates at times and we have trivia sessions, it's fun.
11} Don't be high maintenance. I'm the girl, not you, I don't want to have to constantly cater to your delicate notions. I want to be able to go play baseball or get dressed up and go to the club, or bum around together all day, or just go hang out somewhere. And your "its too hot" or "my new shoes" or "but you know that i can't" really just annoys me. MAN UP.
we played volleyball this weekend the day after we went to the club and got trashed haha we always have fun
12} Be spontaneous, or at least flexible enough to just go with the flow. I'm extremely compulsive and when I have an idea I want to run with it. Keep up or get left behind; there's never a dull moment with me. You can miss out if you want, it's no skin off my back.
he is always game for whatever, and lately i've learned that this is a better plan than making plans with him haha we're both so spontaneous that sometimes making plans keeps us from doing stuff haha
13} I love learning new things, and I want a guy who is just as enthusiastic about life. If you can teach me something new, or are willing to learn something new with me or from me, then you've got many a kudos. This is partially part of the spontaneity factor, I have no problem learning how to play a new video game for hours, or randomly waking you up to go play ninja. Remember, that you signed up for random fun and crazy times, don't bitch out on me.
i've learned some random stuff from him, and he's definitely learned a thing or two from me
14} Chivalry isn't dead, or at least it shouldn't be. I'm not asking you pull out chairs for me, or open every door, but be a gentleman. don't debase me or be rude to people for no reason. Little things mean a lot to me, believe me I notice more than you think. So when a guy does sweet little chivalrous things, it's more endearing than a guy who opens doors and tries to impress me.
he's ever the charmer and opens doors. he's sweet and frankly he's the most gentlemanly i've ever dated....of course that doesn't spread to the bedroom ;)
15} Be yourself! I know who you are [[or at least I should, if you're honest with me then I will]] and obviously I want to spend time with you, so stop trying to be what you think I want. I know what I want, and if I didn't want you, regardless of what act you try to put on, I wouldn't have you. So just relax and have fun! Fun, laughter, and laid back energy goes so much farther than flashiness, fancy clothes, and intricate dates.
the more i've gotten to know this kid, the funnier and more endearing he is. we've had just as much fun bumming it on my couch as we have at beer pong at his place as we've had at the river
16} I'm not every girl, so don't think that what worked with your last girlfriend is going to work for me. She liked roses? I don't. She wanted presents? I don't. I love football, she didn't. I fart in public, she definitely didn't. I get obsessed with books and writing, she couldn't type because it'd mess up her manicure. Case in point, don't try to cookie cutter us, let it happen.
he's actually told me he loves that i'm not like other girls he's dated. and i'm always being treated like the first girl, there aren't any expectations or anticipations based off of other girls
17} Listen. That's so important. One thing girls absolutely LOVE is when a guy pays attention to what we say. I'm not saying to memorize our words verbatim, but listen and give input. It shows you care about what we're talking about and were actually listening and not fantasizing about us. My favorite flowers are lilies and big blooms, I hate tomatoes and I'm allergic to tree nuts; simple facts about me, but when you're conscientious about it it's very endearing.
i hate that he listens so well haha when i'm upset and trying not to show it he can tell and its sweet but frustrating sometimes haha i just wanna stew and be mad at you in peace!
18} Personally, I have such a Type A dominant Alpha personality, that I want a guy to take charge every once in a while. A dominant, leader type is so sexual when the time calls for it; I'm not saying for you to go overboard and try and order food for me or tell me what I'm going to wear. But when I'm in a funk and you drag me out of the house to go on an adventure, or when I'm not feeling my hottest, you ravage me in a manly fashion-- it's hot.
ginger's an alpha. no buts about it.
19} I don't want you to constantly text me, I'm not going to constantly text you. But make sure you don't disappear off the face of the earth, because that'll piss me off. This stems from my asking for respect, I'm not some whore you can just pick up and drop as fits your "schedule". No. I am a lady, I expect to be treated that way.
we had a smidgen of a problem with this once, but we talked it out and fixed it
20} Be my friend. I love talking, get to know new things about people, don't put me in the "I like this girl box" and not treat me like you would otherwise. If I'm dating someone, I want to be friends, a person I'm in a relationship with should be one of my best friends.
he told me that i'm his best friend and i told him that when he broke up with me it felt like i lost a best friend and a boyfriend at the same time
21} I'm a hopeless romantic and a bitter cynic at the same time. So I'm going to have mood swings, and what I like this day, I might not like the next. Like I said, there's never a dull moment with me, but you've gotta take the sweet with the sour. I'm human like anyone else, the only difference is, I know exactly what I want, but half the time I don't believe in it. All I ask for is one guy to be the guy to prove my cynicisms wrong, I want a guy to find the hopeless romantic in me and keep her company under the stars. I want a real Colorado Sunrise.
so far so good. haha gotta love this jerk.
all in all pretty positive across the board; all that and our out of this world sexual chemistry leads me to think this is a great thing haha, now i can go forward into the Land of the L-word knowing we're pretty great together.
1} Honesty is the ONLY policy with me. Some guys don't like how I openly and at times crudely discuss my life, etc. Other guys don't like the concept of not keeping secrets. Whatever, I don't have time for your crap. I'm all for open communication, you're interested, cool. You're not? cool. Be up front with me and expect it back.
Ginger is increasingly honest with me, and we've communicated more than i have in any other relationship
2} I don't have time for games. I've played games with the best of them, and it gets old fast. I've got too much to do to worry about playing the game a certain way, baiting you and dissecting your moves and motives. If I wanted my love life to be a mystery, I'd date Sherlock Holmes.
with his possessive streak there's never any question about where we stand, and since the reunion he's been even more romantic/sexual
3} I love confidence. I'm very confident, and when a guy is self-confident, it's a compatibility thing and it makes me attracted to him. But once that confidence becomes arrogance it's a complete 180. Very few guys have the balance I need to keep me interested.
oh trust, ginger has got this allure because he's so self confident, but at times he's got a smidgen of insecurity to balance it out and keep it from collapsing into douchery.
4} I have many friends, that's no surprise, and most of them are guys. If jealousy is an issue with you, you can go somewhere else with that. I love my friends, they were here before you, and they'll sure as hell be there after you. So when I'm having girl's night or just hanging with the guys, don't get crazy, or you'll force me to get crazy.
he's actually been really great about it all,even coming to hang out with us most nights and he's very accepting of friendship lines that were in place before him.
5} I'm touchy feely affectionate, but I'm classy so there's a limit. What we do in public is obviously going to be different from what we do behind closed doors. Cross that line and make me feel cheap, you're cut. No defense on your part, nothing.
ginger understands my limits sometimes better than i do and he's very aware of my preferences.
6} If we aren't exclusive, then don't expect me to be monogamous while you date half the free world. I don't mind if you're dating other people, we didn't agree to anything yet, but when we're together its just you and me. And once we do agree to be exclusive, you delete your little black book, it's respectful to me.
very charmingly and cheekily ginger asked if i wanted to be exclusive at the beginning of this adventure and he has a jealous streak-- one that he has admitted would keep him from being ok with a threesome because he doesn't want to share me
7} Respect is so important. If you disrespect any of the things, people or places I love so help me you will regret it. And then you'll be cut. If you're respectful, and you show me the things you love, I'll respect them as well.
he's actually offered to do running crew for the summer musical i'm in and he's gotten into glee and true blood because i liked them and he gave them a shot and now he's as obsessed as i am
8} My family is important to me, sure we don't always get along, but they're my f a m i l y. They mean a lot to me, and if I mean anything to you, you'll realize you need to make good with them.
he and my brother are speed training together and he's the first boyfriend to actually engage my father in conversation. winner there haha
9} I LOVE my friends, they are my extended family. If you've got beef with one of my friends, let me know and I'm not gonna force you guys to hang out, but don't pick fights or try to turn us against each other. A guy who can fit in with my friends, and bring his friends into the mix, is a winner in my book.
he gets on great with all my friends and has introduced me to his best friends. no word yet on bringing them all together, but i'm sure in due time.
10} Be intelligent, well read, and articulate. This sounds like some crazy off the wall request on my part, but really I just want a guy I can talk to about more than just clothes, school, and tv. If you can woo my mind, you're a shoo-in. I have a short attention span, so when a guy engages me like this, it's a turn on. Also, some guys are intimidated by a smart girl, they need not apply, because I love being intellectual.
he hasn't read tolstoy or poe, but he's crazy smart about chemistry and other linear things. i'm trying to get him into the abstract but he's a nonfiction kinda guy. we have debates at times and we have trivia sessions, it's fun.
11} Don't be high maintenance. I'm the girl, not you, I don't want to have to constantly cater to your delicate notions. I want to be able to go play baseball or get dressed up and go to the club, or bum around together all day, or just go hang out somewhere. And your "its too hot" or "my new shoes" or "but you know that i can't" really just annoys me. MAN UP.
we played volleyball this weekend the day after we went to the club and got trashed haha we always have fun
12} Be spontaneous, or at least flexible enough to just go with the flow. I'm extremely compulsive and when I have an idea I want to run with it. Keep up or get left behind; there's never a dull moment with me. You can miss out if you want, it's no skin off my back.
he is always game for whatever, and lately i've learned that this is a better plan than making plans with him haha we're both so spontaneous that sometimes making plans keeps us from doing stuff haha
13} I love learning new things, and I want a guy who is just as enthusiastic about life. If you can teach me something new, or are willing to learn something new with me or from me, then you've got many a kudos. This is partially part of the spontaneity factor, I have no problem learning how to play a new video game for hours, or randomly waking you up to go play ninja. Remember, that you signed up for random fun and crazy times, don't bitch out on me.
i've learned some random stuff from him, and he's definitely learned a thing or two from me
14} Chivalry isn't dead, or at least it shouldn't be. I'm not asking you pull out chairs for me, or open every door, but be a gentleman. don't debase me or be rude to people for no reason. Little things mean a lot to me, believe me I notice more than you think. So when a guy does sweet little chivalrous things, it's more endearing than a guy who opens doors and tries to impress me.
he's ever the charmer and opens doors. he's sweet and frankly he's the most gentlemanly i've ever dated....of course that doesn't spread to the bedroom ;)
15} Be yourself! I know who you are [[or at least I should, if you're honest with me then I will]] and obviously I want to spend time with you, so stop trying to be what you think I want. I know what I want, and if I didn't want you, regardless of what act you try to put on, I wouldn't have you. So just relax and have fun! Fun, laughter, and laid back energy goes so much farther than flashiness, fancy clothes, and intricate dates.
the more i've gotten to know this kid, the funnier and more endearing he is. we've had just as much fun bumming it on my couch as we have at beer pong at his place as we've had at the river
16} I'm not every girl, so don't think that what worked with your last girlfriend is going to work for me. She liked roses? I don't. She wanted presents? I don't. I love football, she didn't. I fart in public, she definitely didn't. I get obsessed with books and writing, she couldn't type because it'd mess up her manicure. Case in point, don't try to cookie cutter us, let it happen.
he's actually told me he loves that i'm not like other girls he's dated. and i'm always being treated like the first girl, there aren't any expectations or anticipations based off of other girls
17} Listen. That's so important. One thing girls absolutely LOVE is when a guy pays attention to what we say. I'm not saying to memorize our words verbatim, but listen and give input. It shows you care about what we're talking about and were actually listening and not fantasizing about us. My favorite flowers are lilies and big blooms, I hate tomatoes and I'm allergic to tree nuts; simple facts about me, but when you're conscientious about it it's very endearing.
i hate that he listens so well haha when i'm upset and trying not to show it he can tell and its sweet but frustrating sometimes haha i just wanna stew and be mad at you in peace!
18} Personally, I have such a Type A dominant Alpha personality, that I want a guy to take charge every once in a while. A dominant, leader type is so sexual when the time calls for it; I'm not saying for you to go overboard and try and order food for me or tell me what I'm going to wear. But when I'm in a funk and you drag me out of the house to go on an adventure, or when I'm not feeling my hottest, you ravage me in a manly fashion-- it's hot.
ginger's an alpha. no buts about it.
19} I don't want you to constantly text me, I'm not going to constantly text you. But make sure you don't disappear off the face of the earth, because that'll piss me off. This stems from my asking for respect, I'm not some whore you can just pick up and drop as fits your "schedule". No. I am a lady, I expect to be treated that way.
we had a smidgen of a problem with this once, but we talked it out and fixed it
20} Be my friend. I love talking, get to know new things about people, don't put me in the "I like this girl box" and not treat me like you would otherwise. If I'm dating someone, I want to be friends, a person I'm in a relationship with should be one of my best friends.
he told me that i'm his best friend and i told him that when he broke up with me it felt like i lost a best friend and a boyfriend at the same time
21} I'm a hopeless romantic and a bitter cynic at the same time. So I'm going to have mood swings, and what I like this day, I might not like the next. Like I said, there's never a dull moment with me, but you've gotta take the sweet with the sour. I'm human like anyone else, the only difference is, I know exactly what I want, but half the time I don't believe in it. All I ask for is one guy to be the guy to prove my cynicisms wrong, I want a guy to find the hopeless romantic in me and keep her company under the stars. I want a real Colorado Sunrise.
so far so good. haha gotta love this jerk.
all in all pretty positive across the board; all that and our out of this world sexual chemistry leads me to think this is a great thing haha, now i can go forward into the Land of the L-word knowing we're pretty great together.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
sometimes you couldn't imagine the outcome if you tried
So as you all know, ginger dumped me last week and I was up in the air over how I felt about it. As the week progressed I went to the lake with some friends and hoped to get my mind off it. But I just ended up venting to the girls over margaritas about it and we compiled a list of things to say to him about all of it. I was especially confused about how we were broken up but still texting every night and things like that so I added that to the list of things I needed mother fuckken clarification on. Well, I come home Sunday and ginger was supposed to come over that night; on the drive home, though, he texted to cancel on me-- par for the course much? Well I was like "fuck this and him" when he texts me asking if he could come over monday, I tell him "sure, whatever" and forget about it. He comes over the next day and we watch true blood then he asks if we can talk. We go to another room and I wait for him to start talking-- only he is struggling and looks like he's going to cry. He finally starts with "I'm scared. I'm scared of 3 things: commitment, that I'm not good enough for you, and letting you in because it means I have to let my wall down." We talk for 2 hours about it all and how he was so scared he "jumped ship" instead of talking it out with me because he has never really talked things out with anyone before so he wasn't sure he'd be able to find the words. After 2 hours, he covered everything I had on my list before I had a chance to bring any of it up, and he even spent 20 minutes of it apologizing for ruining everything and how he'd like to get back together if I'd have him. I wasn't sure how to respond so we sat in silence for a while just holding hands; finally he kissed my hand and said "this is the first time I've felt like myself since I broke up with you, just being around you is enough if you don't want me." It was the sweeted thing I've ever heard and the look in his eyes just about broke my heart so I said "yes, on two conditions", he looked like a make a wish kid being granted a wish he was so happy he said "anything, you name it." I looked him in the eye and said "one, we talk it out before you go jumping ship," he nodded and said "if I had done that instead of what I did I could've saved us a lot of shit, of course" and I said "two, you kiss me." So we kissed and caught up on lost time chatting when he kissed me and said "I love you, you know that right? I figured if I had broken up with you and been just friends you'd be in my life forever, but I didn't realize how much I need you." So the L word has been dropped by the greatest LOML potential to date....let's see how I navigate these waters of Love.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
the end of the road.
Well ginger broke up with me yesterday. I still feel kinda numb and I'm more disappointed he broke up with me than anything I think. That is because he broke up with me on impulse because he feels "someone could care about [me] than [he] could. He felt bad because he went an entire day without thinking about me. Big whoop, I do that too but I don't go dumping you on a whim. And the mixt signals I was getting from him-- hell the ones I've been getting since last friday-- are so baffling to me. Obviously he doesn't know where he's at, so he decides to break it off in lieu of actually talking about and owning up to his feelings-- confusion included. Very mature. Ugh. And now I've been awake since 4 am for no apparent reason, but I'm going to guess it has something to do with him. What am I saying? Of course it has something to do with him, he's the closest out of all the guys I've dated to LOML material and frankly it broke my heart a little that he was so willing to just drop me to avoid feelings or whatever his reasoning is. So he may have sabotaged our relationship and demoted it back to the ranks of relationshit, but I'll be forever grateful that he showed me the kind of relationship I deserve and was a pillar of strength in a hard time.
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