Micro Bitchrant

Within the last few weeks, I have become much more attuned to how many blind, irrational, and/or utterly moronic women there are out there who are more or less breaking their own hearts. Well, ladies, this one is for you…

First and foremost, let's get one thing clear: HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. If he has a girlfriend that he hides you from, he does not love you. If he goes a week without speaking to you, he does not love you. If he always makes the issues your fault, he does not love you. If you have never met his friends or family, he does not love you. If you attempt to have a serious discussion with him about where your "relationship(shit)" is headed and he dismisses you, he does not love you. If he broke up with you, he does not love you. If he lies to you, he does not love you. And if he cheats/betrays you, he does not love you.

He is not shy. He is not busy. He is not confused. He is not unaware of or unwilling to admit his "true" feelings. In my experience and observation, I have learned that a guy will literally do almost ANYTHING for a woman he truly loves and wants to be with. He will man up and respect her. He will be honest with her. He will spoil her. He will communicate with her. He will do all those things that you've been tricked into thinking "just aren't in a man's nature to do". Well, sweetie, they are in a MAN's nature—they're just not in the nature of that asshole you've been wasting your time with.

It baffles (and disgusts) me at how many women I see making excuses for these little boys. Just because his dick gets hard and he plays dress-up does not mean he's a man. More importantly, he's not really YOUR man and he's not the man you need to be involved with. So get to truckin', sister. You've got shit to do.

And trust me—I get it. It hurts to break up with someone you really care about. It hurts to give up on someone that you've invested your EVERYTHING into. I have been there time and time again. But it's better you dump his ass, keep your dignity, and affirm your self-worth than get your ass dumped and be obliterated by his selfishness. It's time you stop missing his ungodly ass and start celebrating your own BAMF-ness. On the real. And by any means necessary.

Have I made myself clear? GOOD!

(Okay, so this wasn't "micro", but it served it's purpose for the time being. Keep checking for the more in-depth sequel to this post. I've struck gold, I think…)

i'm not sorry i met you.

Well this relationshit I'm in with Ginger is taking off, and to date I haven't had a thought or urge to cheat, leave or sabotage. This is crazy considering my track record. He keeps me on my toes, and I keep him guessing-- we're complete opposites but its complimentary I think. Sometimes its kinda anxiety wrought because I am so out of practice with monogamy that when he asks me things sometimes I'm so busy searching for double meanings and trap doors I don't actually realize till later that he was being straight forward.

Being in a relationshit-- relationship, I suppose-- where things are how they are at face value and there's no underhanded manipulation, is exhilarating-- AFTER I remind myself that he says what he means and means what he says. I'm grateful that he's patient and stubborn haha if he'd have given up when I told him to months ago I wouldn't have him now. The Spark is intense haha and our attraction is incredible, we've had crazy amounts of sex. check A.C. for that.

But he's a doll, Miz Sara Jane was broken up with last night and his first words were "fuck that guy, tell her to come over, should I go get alcohol?" He's a great guy and he is genuinely friends with my besties. Not to mention the fact that we talk-- like hold actual conversations, talk at length about feelings and how situations make us feel. I've never had this level of communication in a romantic relationship, and it's a crazy feeling. knowing that there's a guy that genuinely cares about how i'm feeling and will ask me and tell me how he feels. it's give and take at it's basest form and it's important to me.

A quick poem that caught my eye.

Here's a poem by ee cummings that caught my eye today:
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

I even warned him with "I'm still new to this..."

And he replied "me too".

This one month fresh relationshit is already making me feel like I've
been in it forever. We have had some really pointless arguements, but
we've also had some really important talks I never had with other guys.
Ginger, the boy frenn, and I work-- although most of the time we butt
heads and I want to throttle him. He's got a bit of a possesive side,
he's a jealous type. That doesn't gel well with me sometimes because
I've got some really close guy friends, and I'm really affectionate.

I think a big part of it is all our excess tension and anger with each
other is funneled into our sex life. We get to be goofy with each other
when we're hanging out and sometimes even while we have sex we're joking
around. And then we get really intense sometimes, we've both got a kinky
streak a block wide.

We don't spend all our time together, and I don't think we've had a
phone conversation that's lasted longer than a minute thirty. Sometimes
I find myself wanting to cuddle-- odd I know-- and then we have bitch
fits.We're two people attempting to figure out monogamy for ourselves;
I'll keep you guys updated.

High Standards

In high school, I used to write down all the qualities I wanted my future boyfriend/husband to have. I'm doing it again… Not because I'm desperate. Not because I believe there is someone out there who can and will fulfill all of these requirements. But because I need to remind myself what I'm waiting for and what I'm worth. And plus, I'm a little bit older and wiser now. Perhaps that means something… =]


- I want a man who can cook and likes to cook. I'm a big girl. I like to eat. I need someone to share this passion with.

- I want a man who respects and cherishes his mother. His first relationship with a woman was the one with his mother. If that is bruised or broken, there's no real chance for me.

- I want a man who has good taste in music. He like the same things as I do. He can like better things than I do. But music is my passion and salvation when all other art/experience fails. 'Nuff said.

- I want a man who is educated and likes to learn/think. You don't need to be Ivy League, nor do you need to be a genius. But you better be intelligent, with an active mind, and know how to put forth dialogue and ideas.

- I want a man who doesn't always agree with me. Challenge my perceptions; try to break my paradigms. Sometimes, I just want you to fight with me. I don't want a "Yes Man"; I want an honest man who stays true to his convictions.

- I want a spiritual man. My religious/spiritual ideologies change weekly. But I always have faith in God, even when it's not positive. I need someone who prays when things are rough and hopes in a bigger Mystery.

- I want a man who is about his business. Be goal-oriented, driven, and handle your shit. No one wants a 30 year old who is still coastin'. Well, maybe some do… but not me.

- I want a man who makes me laugh. I have a mood disorder. I'm also quite sensitive and melodramatic. Shit hits me. I need someone who will pick me up and make me smile when shit hits the fan.

- I want a man who will go to battle with me. Whether you lay down in the trenches with me or are throwing grenades, I need someone who is going to help me fight and press on.

- I want a man who turns me on. Sexuality and desire is tricky. But it's still necessary in a good, healthy relationship. Whether we're fucking, touching, or just cuddling… I want to be attracted to him. I need him to know how to please me — in all ways.

- I want a man who is: patient, respectful, loyal, honest, open, and kind. These are the "Big Qualities" in relationships. I'm a lot to deal with, but I need to know that you will always be there. No matter what. I can promise you I will do the same.

- I want a man who won't cheat. I know I already mentioned loyalty. But niggaz try to get around this one. This means, NO KISSING, TOUCHING, OR FUCKING. Also, emotional betrayal counts, too.

- I want a man who communicates. I get it — men have been groomed by society to not be warm-n-fuzzy. Still, when you're pissed off, tell me. When you're horny, tell me. When you love me, tell me. And if you just want to talk, that's beautiful.

- I want a man who takes risks and loves the "new". I'm trying to do this myself, so it would help if I'm with someone who knows how to go on adventures and says yes to the opportunities and possibilities that Life presents.

- I want a man who is creative. I can't help it — I find artists sexy. What he creates is his business, but I need someone who loves and is as passionate about art and creating as I am.

- I want a man who knows a relationship is in the details. Yes, the sex can be off the hook. Yes, we can talk for hours and I can trust you unconditionally. But I want the small things to count, too. I want someone who will buy my tampons if I'm too crampy to go out and get them myself. I want someone who I can poop and fart around. I want someone who will bring me soup when I'm sick. I want someone I can be silly and comfortable with.

- I want a man who knows the definition of intimacy. It's not about sex or secrets. It's about willingness and vulnerability, in my opinion. I want to share and meld with you. I need a best friend, a real one.

- I want a man who will protect me. Fuck feminism. I want you to defend my honor and threaten to pummel anyone who disrespects or hurts me. I don't find it sexist, I find it romantic.


He's out there. I can feel it…