So Sick of Wanking

Okay.. so, we alllll know that boys are the renowned masters of complaint when it comes to the lack of bed play between them and their female..

I was reading Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and he even spells it out for us ladies that making our man wait longer than 2-3 months for "the cookie" is entirely UNacceptable.

This goes to say that if and when we do leave them without sexual gratification for x amount of time they are in fact warranted to: become angry, detached, bored, and ultimately, unfaithful. In other words, NO SEX is license to WANDER.

Ok, so now let's flip the script to my current predicament. (minus the "dic") I like to think that i'm pretty well-kept, desireable, and with a very healthy sexual appetite. How is it that I am IN a relationship and without physical fulfillment. (as I sit here and 'have it out' with the elements of my situation I feel increasingly alone) I don't know anyone who has this problem..

My man doesn't do me.
Period.

The relationship clock says we've been together about 4 months though we've known eachother for well over a year. He's the perfect gentleman. I cannot begin to describe how formal, proper, and charming our courtship was. It would be one for the modern-romantic storybooks. *GAG*

But the 20 year old virgin is not a sappy romantic. She is a rampant, undersexed volcano on the precipice of eruption. I AM A RAMPANT, UNDERSEXED VOLCANO ON THE PRECIPICE OF ERUPTION! So my boyfriend and I have passed the point of being 'cordial' and 'respectful' and we are past the Steve Harvey timetable.. Except the LADY isn't the one holding out.

So, what am I to do? I really like this boy. I can even see myself loving him though i'm really too fearful to even go there because-- well, i'm just scared shitless of Love. But not to digress from the topic.. I NEED SEX. I want a tantric and intimate connection with him.. I seek ecstacy and mutual pleasure.

I want very very naughty things to go down.

But because i'm a lady, am I not supposed to feel a sense of urgency about all of this? Am I not supposed to grow tired of the wait? Am I not allowed to get impatient? Will I be giving an off-base whoreish impression to my tame and sexually disciplined man by my efforts to bed him before HE is ready? Am I moving too fast? (lets be fair, no the hell i'm Not) But honestly, what would Steve tell me? Be Angry! Be Detached! Wander!

But I want these naughty things to go down with Him and only Him.
(religious readers don't get offended by the prestige I give my man through pronoun capitalization-- Relax)

UGH! I'm really backed against the wall on this one-- and sooo not in the way I yearn to be. A huge part of the dillemma is that my boyfriend and I rarely see each other. When we do, we are on each others' nuts. Heavy on the PDA because well, we have no other choice. I know this isn't an issue of attraction. There's no doubt we are hot for each other. Though, we have talked on several occasions about his philosophy of 'time'. He says he would rather know me slowly and for a long time, than fast and short-lived. I get that. I can appreciate that. But FUCK THAT.

We talk about sex. We are very candid. I ask him what he's waiting for. He just flips the question. So I wonder if the ball is in MY court. Is he waiting for ME to propel the motion forward? Its likely. But its uneccesary. Especially due to my lack of experience on the subject. I would much rather he take me and have his way with me than wait around like i'm some sort of virgin-bride to be delecately deflowered.

This is far beyond that. Carnal cravings are boiling inside of me. I don't understand it. I cannot control it. (and I don't want to, fuck that, I shouldn't have to) I do not wish to suppress this.. I've been doing that all my life. I want to EXpress it openly and outwardly and SOON. Its an itch that only He can scratch and its beginning to annoy me the way he knows this and still holds out. He's got this leverage over me. He's like some sort of twisted mastermind who has flipped the powers of the chonch to his will.

I crave Him. I thirst for Him. I need to feel Him.

Wanking? Its so not an option anymore. I'm wanking like a madwoman and its like I'm no longer satisfied by it. My mind is made up. No, my body has made up my mind and its not accepting alternative measures. This is a hunger for the flesh and I need my man to feed this urge before i'm overcome by it so much that I cannot function in LIFE.

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ANY SUGGESTIONS!?